GothicTemptress’s blog

I know...I know...where the heck have I been?  Not on the net, and I've missed my Flist!  Just too much going on and not enough hours in a day! 

Sasha turned 6 and Bella turned 3 in April.  Can you believe how fast time flies?!

 
We took a trip to Mississippi to visit my cousin, who owns a Dairy Farm there.  That was a nice change of scenery.  Here is a pic of the girls when we went to the coast for the day and a pic of the cows waiting to be milked.

We are leaving for the suburbs tomorrow and won't be back till Monday, so I'd much rather be early than late...I've been late far too often lately!  Happy Birthday Meg!

Love,

Becca, Sasha, Bella and Max

Are any of you following any good Labyrinth Fics that you would like to recommend?  I think I'm in need of a little Jareth naughtiness.  Oh yeahhhhhhh.

I hope to get your opinions regarding a situation that directly effects everyone living in Downtown Chicago, in the Gold Coast, River North and Streeterville...take a moment to read the attached page, and let's discuss, as it directly effects Sasha and Bella:

Chicago Sun-Times

I just had one of the most intensely disturbing dreams of my life, that I can recall.  In it, I was stuck on the Northside for some reason.  I kept on getting on public transportation and it was never taking me south of Belmont and Clark, so I decided that I would have to walk the six miles home along the lakefront, because the police would not let me take the streets.  Everything was blocked off, although I could see cars moving and people walking beyond the barriers. 

I was walking by the lagoon near Diversey, and there was a Carnival.  I remember noticing that there were no children on the "Swing" ride, only adults.  It was going around really fast and flinging them high in the air, I was glad that there were no children on it.  Off in the distance, I could see a sickly, thin woman throwing two small babies in some twigs, trying to cover them up.  She was covered in blood from the waist down, and I knew instantly that they were not dolls. As I got closer, she was mumbling something about not wanting the girl, but wanting the boy, so they both must die, as she really didn't want kids now anyway.  I approached her cautiously, extended my hand to touch hers, and I bent down to llift the twigs off of the twitching babies. 

"Please", I begged, "let me have your little girl!  We will love her, and you can keep your son.  She will have two sisters, and a wonderful life.  I promise you."  I was begging her, and I knew it.

She nodded in agreement, but she never picked him up.  I picked the baby girl up, wrapped it in my coat, and walked away with it.  I started looking for a Walgeens on Clark because I knew the baby needed formula, but wanted to turn around because I did not trust her to take her son.  I was afraid that she changed her mind again and did not trust her to make a sound decision concerning his welfare.  I could not remember where she left the babies in the first place because the swing ride was mysteriously gone, and I was becoming frantic with regret because I suddenly thought of my friends in Pennsylvania and my friends in England who would have loved to have a baby, and how could I leave one with that woman when I could have easily taken them both?  Why did I choose the girl only?  Even if she wanted me to have both, we could have easily kept them if our friends did not want them, so how could I risk leaving him to die and rot in those twigs?  And I could not find the twigs.  The baby started sucking on my breast through my shirt, so I ran to Walgreens to buy her a bottle of formula, leaving the area, and the boy, to the unknown.   

I could not be sure that Max would not want a boy, even though he loves it that he's a daddy to girls.  He was meant to be a father of daughters, as so many people share in that opinion when they see him with his princesses.  Why did I CHOOSE the girl?  It wasn't JUST because she was wanting the boy.  I WANTED the girl.  I kept running, and running, but I could not get home.  Suddenly, a cab pulled up, and I told the driver that I had exactly $17.  Would he take that to get us home?  He agreed to the flat rate, and when we got home, the fare was $9 but I gave him the $17 anyway.  As he pulled away, I realized that he was my last chance to rescue the boy, and I would never go back to that lagoon again.  His windows were fogged over as he pulled away.   

I woke up sweating, I ran to the toilet, and threw up.   Max told me that I was wailing and ricking in my sleep, waking him up.  he told me that he was tempted to wake me up, and I told him that I wished he did.  It was a terrible, heart-wretching dream.  He cried when I explained it to him. 

I never thought I regretted having my tubes tied.  After 4 miscarriages and two difficult pregnancies that both required me on bedrest for basically the entire time, my organs not functioning quite properly, body was not meant to carry any more babies.  I knew that tying my tubes was the smartest thing for us.  It took some danger out of the equation, so to speak.  If I would die, Max could go on and have other kids with another wife.  I should not carry any more anyway, so why risk it for the children we already have?  Sound thinking, I thought.  But I regret that decsison for the first time this morning, since it's been completed.  I am 35 years old, and could have tried to have more.  And I do want more.  And I chose to leave one in the twigs. 

I know that I might never have more children, and it would be incredibly selfish to jeapordise my health for the sake of having more, but the want was in that dream, and the want is haunting me now.  Damn biological clock, and my subconscious going into overdrive.  It's 9am, and I feel like I need a fucking stiff drink.  One of those days, I guess.    

What a tool, but I think we all knew that.  Welcome to Chicago politics.  Costly trials, drawn out drama, and trails that lead to a never-ending list of power hungry bone-heads wanting a piece of anything they can get their dirty hands on.  I'm glad they caught him.  I know that his wife is being implicated in this as well, and I feel sad for her because I know her from my former associations on the trading floor, and she was a very nice lady.  Her life will never be the same after this arrest.  Maybe she knew about this, and maybe she didn't, but what a sucky turn of events for her and their daughters.  God, how terrible this will be for his girls.    

Holy...

"I want to fuck you so hard..."

"....Murder is illegal in this country..."

"Decent movie for girls..."

Ok, WHERE was this on, and when will I stop laughing?! 
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmNU9YUrt-Q

The party was so much fun, and the energy was at an incredible high.  It was like the air around Grant Park was charged with an intangible force that everyone could feel, and no matter who we voted for, we could all get caught up in the excitement of history being made last night.  Wowza, what a high!

I woke up this morning with absolutely no voice.  I knew I was loosing it on Saturday morning, and I've been progressively been sounding more and more like Demi Moore with each passing day, but now I've got nothing.  And I just feel wiped out. 

I knew that I was cramming so much in a few short days.  We had the Halloween party in our building (100+ kids!), so I haven't been sleeping in quite a few days with set up, take down, and shopping for all of the things we needed to make our hospitality room look scary for the little critters.  And then I helped with the election party.  Now I had a great time at these events, but I am just drained, and I took a 6 hour nap today after Max came home from work to give me a break.

And I'll admit to feeling down lately as well.  I am seeing a pattern establish itself with my family and others, and it's bringing me down.  I have to stay on top of everyone else's schedules, and I find myself changing all of my plans to accomidate those around me.  It's not their problem, it's MINE, but I try very hard to keep everyone happy, and yet I seem to be falling through the cracks.  I've had nightmare two nights in a row now that involve me being forgotten by everyone else, and that is certainly saying something.  With my reduction in calories, I'm also feeling slightly needy, I guess I can label it.   I look forward to getting out for a few hours Saturday night to dance away some of these sad feelings.  It's not often that I can get out anymore, especially considering Max's increase in weekend hours he's having to work, so I need Neo now more than ever, I think.   My parent's will be taking the kids Saturday night, so I really can sleep in on Sunday morning.  I also plan on spending tomorrow in bed.  Sasha was home sick from School today, and so with daddy watching over all of us, we were all able to catch up on rest.  I think she will be fine to go back tomorrow, and I hope to really sleep tonight too so that I will be fully recovered to go stomp my shrinking ass off on Saturday. ;)  And I also hope that my mood improves too.  Nothing that a little dancing can't cure.  *crosses fingers*

Wow, what an historic Election!  I'll just be glad when all the TV Ads are over with! ;)  And for Chicago, we will be in the 70's with clear skies.  Perfect for the rally tonight!  We could not have asked for better weather!!!!

I made a 5 foot by 15 foot OBAMA lighted sign for my friend's South facing balcony.  For those of you that know what building I live in, watch election coverage at some point and you will probably see it!  Our building is right on the north end of Grant Park, and her unit is on the 20th Floor, so it's right in the middle of the building.  If they show the north end, you'll see it (unless the building makes us take it down...we own our units, but the railings of our balconys are considered common elements, and no advertising is allowed, so we'll see if we can get away with it for the night)!  We are going to have an Election Party tonight at her place to celebrate the end of the madness.   

Here is a pic of our building, just in case you don't know were to look.  It's the wide shorter one, dead center here.

http://www.neweastside.org/NewEastside2006.jpg